Today is Jordan's 14th Birthday. He stayed up until a minute after midnight, just so he could would be 14 before he went to bed... I cried alnight, our baby has grown up so fast, he cried because you were not here. We held each other and talked about you, and also about how fast he was growing up. It makes me so sad to think that in a few years he will leave home, then Cody and I will be all alone. Although both boys promised they would not move far from me, or take me with them :) But I know soon I'll have to turn them loose and it scares the hell out of me. I miss and need you so much, I can't stand the thought of your missing out on their lives, and neither can they. What am I going to do when they are gone? They are alI I have left of you and I stay so depressed thinking about living alone without you. You were supposed to be here to watch them grow, go to collge, play sports and become young men with families of their own. Now you won't even get the chance to see our grandchildren, and they will never know you. Al our dreams are lost and we still hurt and miss you so much that it is unbearable. Jordan has a pretty little girlfriend who he is taking to the movies tonight for his birthday, then he is having a party Saturday here with 10-15 kids. Christmas is comming up and I don't know how we are going to deal with it this year. A couple of churches have adopted the kids to make sure they have a good christmas as far as presents go. I bought them new bicycles last week for Christmas and of course they got them early, I couldn't tell them no, you never could either. Please Lord be here with us, help us get through this day, let it be a happy one for our son, he has been through enough. And Stacy if you can, please let him know you are watching over him and feel your presence here with him today. He's becoming a young man now and needs you now more than he ever has. He has a lot of anger in him and we go to counseling for 8 hours every week, he's coping but still hurts so much. No child shoud ever have to lose a parent so young. I just pray everyday for the strength to make it through the day one at a time and to do the best I can, so that you will be proud of them. I love and miss you with all my broken heart Annette