It's hard to believe you've been gone a month today. The pain is still as fresh as if it were yesterday. Everyday's the same, except that your not here to share it with. I catch myself thinking, I gotta call Stacy and tell him about this or that, then reality sinks in and I realize, I can't do that anymore. But I do still talk to you and tell you the important things that are happening. Jordan's team fianally won their first basket ball game the other day, he was so proud, yet so sad that you weren't there to watch him. I try to tell him that you know these things and are very proud of him. But it really hurts when we can't share them with you by our side. It's just not the same. I'm trying my best to hold our lives together as normal as possible, but I get so stressed out and afraid I'm not going to be able to do everything with them that you did plus what I did. We have so much going on in our lives right now, that I don't know how much longer I can do it all, Both play on different teams, have practice and games everyday,across town from each other and I can't be at two places at one time. And it makes me feel so guilty that I hae to miss one to take the other. I try to even it out as best I can, but sometimes I hust can't do it. I feel so helpless, but I don't want them to know. I have to be strong for them and make them belive everything is going to work out somehow. I just wish I could believe it myself. Our heat pump went out 2 times in a row over a 2 week period, we recieved a foreclosure notice on the houses and car, The battey went out on the car, so many things have happened in the last few weeks,It seemed like I was drownig in quick sand and could not dig out, just sinking deeper and deeper into a deep dark hole. The boys and I went to church on Sunday, the congregation prayed over and the preacher anointed us, that day we actually felt your pesence with us and the presence of a higher being promising we would be OK. But How am I supposed to be available for the boys now at any time like I always have been, and if I couldn't you were. Nothing wil ever be the same again, we realize that, we just can't accept it yet. I know I'm going to have to have a lot more faith, and I pray each night for GOD to help us. The other day I a call about the job I had been wanting, and as soon as they called, I felt such happiness, then I tuned to tell you, but you weren't there. The happiness I had felt suddlenly felt like a ton of bricks, As I realized that I'm never going to be able to share with you the good or bad. It hurts like hell, I don't know any other way to say it. I'm just lost lonley and feel so alone. I don't want to ever forget you, an I know I never will, but forgive me for being angry with you at times for not being here when we need you. I know you would be if you could. I Love Always Annette