It's after mignight, I can't sleep. I haven't slept in our bed since the day you left. I fall asleep on the couch of exhaustion each night, with the blare of the TV in the background to break the silence of the loneliness of he night. Cody sleeps on one end and me on the other, he worries about me and does not want me to be alone. (although it is very crowded), we both feel comforted just being together in the saame room you left us in. Jordan does sleep in his room, but he has to have a night light an TV on. The kids are handling it a little better, although they have their moments. I try to keep them busy with sports and friends and try to help them lead as normal a life as possible., to keep their minds occupied. I dread the holidays comming, it is going to be very hard on all of us. I'm taking the boys to your parents for thanksgiving dinner, and to see your resting place. I don't want them to lose touch with your parents, the boys are all they have left of you, and they look so much like you, especially Jordan. I worry about your mom, she is grieving herself to death. I pray each night for her peace as well as our own. I wish there was something I could do to help ease her pain as well. That's one reason I'm taking the boys up there on the holidays. I know that I should have always went with you all to see them, but I never really felt welcome there for some reason, However, you would be proud to know that we have grown closer and have talked to each other more in the last few weeks than we ever had in all the years we were married. It's just so sad that it took losing you to bring us together. I promise you I will continue to take them to see your parents, just like you used to do. I know it's not the same, but at least they will all know that even though you are gone, our family ties will go unbroken. And I know that even though you won't be there in body, you will be there in spirit. Knowing that brings me a since of peace. It has been a VERY hard year on us and sometimes we forgot to be thankful for what we did have, we were more worried about what we did't have. But at least we had each other, and for that we are very thankfull. Goodnight sweetheart for now. I love you.